1. National Problem Gambling Helpline 1-800-522-4700. The National Council on Problem Gambling operates the National Problem Gambling Helpline Network (1-800-522-4700).The network is a single national access point to local resources for those seeking help for a gambling problem.
2. The effects of a spouse’s addiction can reach far beyond the one who has the addiction. Gambling addictions can, and most often do, negatively impact marriage. According to the Georgia Department of Behavioral Health, the rate of divorce is significantly higher for problem and pathological gamblers than low risk or non-gamblers. And despite the myth that same-sex marriages are at a lower risk for divorce, gay couples are subject to the same challenges as straight couples.

We ask Rachel Connor from debt advice charity StepChange, as part of Talk Money Week, to answer the following question. Join in the conversation on Twitter and tell us what you would advise.

But if you haven’t yet confirmed (but do suspect) that your spouse or partner has a gambling addiction, look carefully at his or her behavior patterns for signs that gambling has become more than just a casual occurrence. Compulsive lying is one of the symptoms of compulsive or pathological gamblers.

Question

I’m worried about my husband and I think he may be hiding something from me. He seems to be getting more and more scary looking letters through the door, and they disappear quickly so I can’t see what they are.

When I ask him about them, he gets defensive and says they’re just junk mail. He goes out every evening pretty much, and most of the weekends too and my friend said she keeps seeing him at the local bookies.

When he’s in, he locks himself away in the spare room. He’s always been a bit of a gambler, but it's never been a problem before.

We’ve never been short of money in the past, but things keep going missing. Cash has disappeared from my purse and now my gold bracelet which my mother gave to me has gone.

I’ve searched the house top to bottom for it. I just don’t think I could ask if he’s stealing from me. Has he got us into trouble with money? Will he be truthful?

I have no idea what to do.

Anon, UK

Answer

Dear Anon,

I’m really sorry to hear about the stressful situation you’ve been dealing with. From what you’ve described, there’s a chance your husband may be dealing with a gambling addiction.

This can not only be difficult for him, but also for you, his partner. You clearly want to help him, but may be unsure how to support him in his recovery.

Gambling is a powerful addiction, so it’s important that you understand what your partner’s dealing with, and actions you can take/

According to the relationship counselling charity Relate, there are several danger signs of a gambling problem to look out for. Some of them seem to match up with what you’ve been witnessing lately. They include:

• Spending a lot of time away from the house and being vague or secretive about it. Some gamblers get up early in the morning to gamble while their partner or family are asleep.
• Becoming defensive whenever money is discussed.
• Hiding bank statements.
• Unexplained payments coming out of your bank account(s).
• Emotional highs and lows.

Even though your partner is the one facing the problem, how you feel is important, too.

Talk to someone

You’ve already mentioned that a friend’s noticed your husband’s behaviour. Do you trust this friend? Can you talk to them in confidence about how you’re feeling, or do you have anyone else you can talk to?

Having someone to share your feelings with can really help your own mental wellbeing.

Your GP can refer you and your partner to local support groups that specialise in gambling recovery. You could also encourage your partner to talk in confidence with their HR department or trade union about what they’re going through.

Is there any way to help your partner avoid the temptation to gamble? According to the Gambling Commission, there are over 8,500 betting shops in the UK. As a result, your partner may have to fight an impulse to gamble every time they walk along the local high street.

Have a think about the different gambling ‘triggers’ that may arise for them. For example:

• Can they take an alternative route to the shops, or to work?
• Are they pressured into gambling by friends or colleagues (during lunch breaks, on nights out etc.)?
• Are there any apps on their phone that encourage gambling?

Get support

When Your Partner Has A Gambling Problem

Finally, tell your partner to get support from a gambling awareness charity such as Gamcare. They also offer confidential support and advice for family and friends of those with gambling problems.

You can contact them online or by phone on 0808 8020 133 every day 8am to midnight.

Your partner can even talk in confidence at local meetings held by Gamblers Anonymous. Sharing their problem with others who are seeking help with gambling can make them feel less alone.

Recovering from a gambling addition could take its toll, mentally and emotionally. Seek support for your mental wellbeing from charities such as Mind and Time to Talk.

If you have a mental health assistance scheme through your employer, then please take advantage of it. By giving yourself the support you need, you’ll be in a much better position to help your partner through recovery.

If your partner’s in debt due to gambling, we recommend that they get expert gambling advice as well as free and confidential debt advice.

If they don’t seek help with their addiction, there’s a high chance they may fall back into gambling, which could make their debt problem worse.

Citizens Advice has recently joined forces with GambleAware to offer support to gamblers who are also dealing with a debt problem. At StepChange Debt Charity we also offer free and confidential debt advice over the telephone and online.

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to gambling problems, and different approaches work for different people. However, help is available and neither of you have to face the problem alone.

Hi Guys,
I'm not really sure what I want to ask here... I guess I kind of just want some hope, or some direction, and maybe a bit of a vent.
My partner has a gambling problem...

Partner With Gambling Problem

The week before Christmas he gambled his entire pay - I was on maternity leave at the time, and we had no presents for the kids.
Most recently, last week he again put his entire pay through the pokies.
I'm back at work now, but only part time, as we have 3 kids.
We struggle, week to week, to pay for Child care and other things, but due to outside circumstances that I will get into a bit later, I need to go back to work.
His decision to gamble his whole pay has meant that no bills were paid this week, and worse, we have hardly any food in the house. Our kids have staples for their school/day care lunches, and I've not been able to have a full meal all week, making me lethargic as I'm still breastfeeding our 7 month old.
When I try to talk to my partner about the effects his decisions have on the kids and myself, he turns it around on me, and says that it's my ex husbands fault as he doesn't pay any child support for our 2 eldest boys (another long story, but the boys see my new partner as their Dad, and have nothing to do with their biological father), that he's stressed from working, and even that I'm spending too much money on our household expenses. I know that for a family of 5, our outgoings are not that high in reality, but he is always reluctant to help out and contribute financially to the things we have, and the things we do.
After his big loss over Christmas, he promised me he would get help, and promised me he would never do it again. The past few weeks, I know he's been stressed out, and feeling down. I noticed a change in his behaviour and asked if he was gambling again, he has denied and denied and denied. Looked me in my eyes, and lied - until he knew he couldn't lie anymore, and came clean.
He's told me he doesn't want to speak with anyone about his problem, but won't let me control the finances. He's the bread winner in the house, and I can't get him to agree to letting me pay the bills/food/rent and then giving him the rest of his pay.
This is so scary for me, as I had left my ex husband for an addiction, not gambling, but ICE. He left the country and subsequently left me with a large joint loan, of which I've just entered into a debt agreement for. If things keep going the way they are going with my current partner, I'm terrified for mine, and my children's financial future.

Partner Has Gambling Problem Definition

I understand that he needs to want the help, but I just don't know how to help him... 'He doesn't want me to talk to anyone close to us about his problem, and I just feel a bit stuck, and partly like it's my fault, as I've brought the stress of 2 children that aren't his into his life (one of which has autism), of course, I realise it's not my fault, I just think that after hearing that it is my fault for such a long time, I'm starting to believe it myself.